Come along with me as we as I give you my back story on how mental health has become apart of my everyday life

Where it all began…

Way back when I was little , many things went on in my life, I had disabilities that were not visible.. I had to incorporate a lot of things in order to manage and get thru day to day tasks that seemed very impossible but for others was very easy. Thanks to my mom Michele for being my advocate since day one, she helped me conquer a lot of obstacles in my life. I was born a fetal alcohol syndrome baby. Before I was born I had a brain hemorrhage, it cleared up before my birth however, just because it cleared up doesn’t mean life was easy for me

My mom never made it known to me that I had FASD (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder) because she never wanted me to be “labeled” or felt like I was different from everyone else. I was adopted by my mom and dad at 6 months old and was their first special needs child they adopted. When I came into their lives , as my mom quoted “I was a skinny scrawny little thing who didn’t like to be touched or held or hugged. I would scream and cry and push and kick to get away “. My believed my foster mother wasn’t very affectionate or and didn’t have the time to fully care for me or my needs. So my mom tuning into the needs I needed, wanted to show me what affection was and that touch and hugging wasn’t a bad thing. Yes , it was apart of my FASD for “touch” can be an over stimulating thing for children and adults that have it. But my mom didn’t want me growing up being afraid of “unconditional love” so she put me in a baby Bjorn and for two days I cried and pushed to get out of it but by the evening of day 2, I be mad restless and fell asleep on my moms chest.. the rest is history. I became a bubbly, affectionate, kind hearted loving kid all thanks to my mom knowing what I needed best at 6 months old.

She knew I was going to need all kinds of therapy to help strengthen my brain to many other things. I remember going to speech therapy during the summer and cognitive therapy. I always asked why and she said “to help your brain grow healthier, you know how you go to school to help you grow band learn and become educated so when you grow up you can become whatever you want and achieve your goals in life, well these little therapy sessions are doing the same for your brain and when you become an adult you will understand why but for now , do your best that you can do and afterwards I ll treat you to your favorite candy store and restaurant at Southwyic mall.. 🥰

She hit me an IEP ( Individualized Educational Program) when I started school in the public school system. Basically it was full of counselors and therapists who would accommodate to my needs in the classroom that the teacher couldn’t do because she had so many other students to care for so when I needed one on one care, a counselor would come in and be there to help. For instance, I coukd not take a test in my own, as in, reading it, my brain could not comprehend what the questions were asking so my counselor would take me to the library and read it out loud to me then my brain could process and I could answer the questions.

School was very hard for me. In 5-8th grade hits Cs, Ds, and Fs.. it wasn’t that I didn’t care try, I tried hard, I studied, hard I do all my homework, it was that my brain could not function like everyone else’s. It really frustrated me that some kids didn’t even have to read the material, take a test and Ace it. Where I had studied all night long then fail the test. Those that got straight A’s , yes they worked hard for them but I did too and still got bad grades. That hurt a lot. But come to find out later on, it was because of my FASD. I couldn’t help it, my brain was “sick” and had been destroyed so that’s why my mom advocated for me to have an IEP and she would come to have conference with my teachers. She always made sure to visit when my class was in gym or outside for recess so the kids would not ask why she and my dad were there. But one time, we came back from recess early and my parents were in the classroom. The kids said “loe loe why is your parents here, my mom played it off so well and said “we brought Mrs. Mesmer Lunch today because she has been a phenomenal teacher to all of you and we wanted to show our thanks for all she does for all of you”! When really they were there discussing my grades and my progress. My mom knew the kids would make fun of me if they really knew the truth because kids were not always nice to me. She knew I got bullied and she did everything she could to prevent it.

My mom Michele has been my rock and a saint and my wealthy guardian angel since I came into her world at 6 months old. I won’t ever be able to repay her for everything she has done. So instead I just pay it forward. Why did I become teacher ?! Because of my mom and my brother Adam. Two of my many hero’s I have always looked up to my whole life. My mom, she was a foster mom still when she adopted me. She took care of so many of gods children and gave them a loving home and lived them like her own until they found their forever parents and home. She changed those kids lives for the better and I wanted to do the same. I became a babysitter growing up because I loved kids. I loved my younger siblings and helping mom and dad take care of them. Becoming an aunt, was the next best thing and gift I ever received. When I found out my sister was having her first kid. I was ecstatic. I’ll never forget that day. I was playing super Mario cart with my bestie Danielle Borouki and my sister announced to us all that she was pregnant. I lost it, I was so excited. Blake was born my 7th grade year of jr high. 14 years old and I was an aunt. My sis knew I loved kids and let me just take it all in being an aunt. I remember the first time she asked me to babysit him. That boy is now 26 years old and I can’t believe how fast time has passed for I still see him as that blond headed chunky cheeks blue eyed precious baby nephew in mine who is now going to school and working full time for his moms amazing business. Proud is an understatement when it comes to seeing all 18 of my nieces and nephews grow up into kind hearted , dedicated, beautiful souls!

My second hero I mentioned. My brother Adam. He’s is the one who nicknamed me “Loe”! It stuck from then on. If this bro ever nicknamed anyone else Loe, yea I’ll be honest I got jealous because in my eyes, I was his only “Loe Loe” and no one else could be nicknamed that by my best friend and brother.

One time he was the director of the after school ymca program and I went to work with him. There was another Lauren there. He said “Loe, come here” so I walked over to him and another girl came too.. I looked at her and she said “oh, he calls me Loe too” .. I gave Adam thee most ugliest look ever in disbelief he nicknamed another Lauren my special nickname.. he covered it up with “yea, she’s a loe but you will always be my number one loe, i nicked named her that because she is just as awesome as you and everyone who is awesome like you and is a Lauren, gets the nickname Loe but you will always be my number one Loe”. Yea, I let that slide and he got lucky. lol 😂

Anyways… I have admired this older brother of mine since could remember. He taught me how to dribble a basketball at the age of 3, from that point on , I became a tom boy and loved all things sports!

I watched him be an amazing big brother , ymca camp counselor… everyone knew who Mr. Adam was and when they found out he was my brother everyone said “you are so lucky”! My response “oh I know, he’s pretty fabulous” .. when we placed a soccer game one evening at camp, all the kids said “you are so good” one camp counselor found out Adam was my brother and he said “he has taught you how to play soccer hasn’t he”?! I said “yeah , how did you know”?! He said “I can tell by all the athletic moves you have and I know all your brothers from playing again him” He became a high school English teacher and I would come shadow him when I was in high school for my senior project..

Ever since I was little. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I would bribe my younger siblings to be my students and one year for Christmas. My mom and dad gifted me an actual classroom in our basement. There were desks, a huge chalk board and all the things a teacher needed for her students. My neighbor and childhood bestie Sara Snyder would come over and she too loved playing school. We were the teachers and played lots of school in that basement in Perrysburg Ohio. Long story short, in adulthood I became a preschool teacher and Sara became a teacher too. Pretty cool we became something we admired so much as kids and are that in adulthood.

To make a difference in a child’s life and something they will remember for a life time is one to the greatest gifts I could bestow on any child.

I have students from 2006 that I taught at the age of one that are now in college and still have a teddy bear I gave them at 1 years old and at 19 and 20 yrs old, they still have it and its name is “Loe Loe bear”. They remember it and my connection to it and have never forgotten about me and all I impacted onto them since 1 yrs old. So much so , one of my students implemented me into their high school graduation speech when it came to the part of “who is a teacher that inspired you the most “ … “Ms. Loe Loe from toddler ones”. Oh. My . heart. 🥹❤️💚

Another student I taught at the age of 1 and stayed in her life forever, wrote a paper about one of their hero’s. She wrote it about me.. she gave me a copy and I still have it, framed up.

To know the impact I have left in thousands of children’s lives , means more than anyone will ever know. Children will always be my world and I will love them all like my own! My mom calls it the “Loe Loe magic and child whisperer” .. I honestly learned it from here and Adam.

So how did mental health come into my life. Not realizing it, genetically it’s always been apart of me. It just didn’t come into play until well later in my life. Friends and others bestowed a lot of negative verbal and mental abuse onto me, but me being who I am, ignored it to keep them happy even though deep down inside I was being destroyed. It wasn’t until I almost took my life in 21’ and opened up to a therapist for the first time about my whole life that I realized how messed up it sounded that I let these people in life destroy me! After that, I learned a lot . I thought I got better and handled all the toxic souls out of my life however in 23’ a toxic work environment and an unkind co worker took advantage of my mental health and her lazy behavior, turned on me and not only me but turned the whole work place against me with false accusations. It got so bad I just stopped coming to work. There are two sides to every story, yes.. but mine was the truth where as the other person, all lies to cover up for her lazy work ethics… not only that there were relationships that destroyed me too and some used and abused my mental state. November of 23’ I attempted again because Satan and the demons told me the world would be better off without me and all the pain others had bestowed on me, I couldn’t handle it anymore. To be honest I didn’t actually want to leave in a negative way I just wanted the pain of hurt and suffering to stop and for someone to just help me and not say “I can’t help you or I’ll pray for you”

Prayers are great however I needed action. I needed someone to show me and step up and help me with what I struggled with and how to get away from toxic relationships, work environment and so on…

I have restarted, reset and got a new fresh start out in Tennessee. I walked from the teaching work because I just needed a break. I do miss my kids a lot, but I took on a hosting job and still get to engage with children and I love it. The job itself is wonderful and I have found a wonderful work family from an amazing management team to a wonderful co workers to the owner of her restaurant. They have becoke my anchor and helped me get back on my feet in the working world. They will never truly realize how much their support in training me, being patient with me and seeing more potential in the things I can do than I could see and pushing me with guidance to prove to me, I can do anything and that my past work experiences were nothing like this one, that they were 100% supportive of me!

Mental health will always be apart of me but not all of me!

I’ll always advocate for mental health, suicide awareness and prevention, bullying, special needs, and so much more. I’m thee most in judgmental soul you will meet and I’ll support anyone thru anything why, because it’s not my place to make others feel horrible, it’s my place to help heal others, make them feel seen, heard, valued and excepted because of all the negative experiences I went thru and still go thru, I don’t ever want anyone to go thru or feel the hurt , pain, feeling less than or unworthy..

Everyone deserves to be loved, accepted, valued and seen. Everyone deserves to be living here on earth

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